Bleh

Yesterday was pretty discouraging. I just woke up feeling poorly. No energy, slow reactions, bugh. By the time work was over my right side was just not having it. My face even felt like it was getting in on the game, feeling weird and tingly.

With doctors leaning toward MS, i'm trying to wrap my head around "what does that mean for me?" The "for me" part is what matters. Every case is different and every person is different. This is something that progresses, and i'm scared. Where am I on the scale? I think about how much it has progressed without a diagnosis, where am i now? where will i be in 5 years, 10 years? what does that mean for work, marriage, family?

I carried 20 pounds yesterday. my arms hurt so much and are so weak today its ridiculous. that's disheartening, to not be able to do something that simple.

I see Dr Jessica this week and have an MRI scheduled. I'm hoping that some more natural alternatives will work, my body doesn't react well to Western medicine. With diet and regular chiropractic, maybe I can stave this off. That to me will be harder than brain surgery.

I'm pretty defeated today, all weekend in fact. I know that i'll pick it back up, i'm not gonna beat myself up for having a weak moment. You feel it, own it, then suck it up. If i don't give myself that chance, just push it down and bottle it up, it comes back to bite me in the ass.